Ubisoft’s long-running Assassin’s Creed game franchise is about a determined and heroic group of assassin heroes fighting the sinister Templars. This shadowy organization seeks to control humanity, with their present-day activity seeing them using a tech company to bend people’s minds to their sinister will.
As such, it’s perhaps no surprise that the franchise just parkoured up a wall, slipped in through an open window, silently crawled across a beam, waited for the perfect moment, and sprang from the shadows to plunge a hidden blade deep into Elon Musk. Figuratively speaking.
The assassination took place on X, where Elon Musk and Mark Kern (aka Grummz) were engaged in a duel for the title of gaming’s most pathetic man. Musk has been exposed for paying people to play games for him and then claiming their achievements for his own, while Kern spends his life concocting elaborate woke conspiracy theories about video games. He is 57 years old.
Kern’s current target is the excellent new Assassin’s Creed Shadows, for which popular streamer Hasan posted a very tongue-in-cheek promotion. Grummz entered the fray by claiming this proves Ubisoft are ing “terrorist-platforming streamers”, with Musk chiming in to say “Hasan is a fraud”. Then, with a sudden flash of steel, the Assassin’s Creed social media poster struck!
Is that what the guy playing your Path of Exile 2 told you?
— Assassin's Creed (@assassinscreed) March 25, 2025
Perhaps bravely, Kern attempted to fight back, only for Assassin’s Creed to coldly dispatch him by referencing his missing-in-action game Em-8er, which was announced in 2016 and still hasn’t been released:
Our game is out.
— Assassin's Creed (@assassinscreed) March 25, 2025
Pausing only to dip an eagle’s feather in the mess, Assassin’s Creed vanished into the shadows, leaving a crushing ratio in their wake. The reaction seems to be a combination of disbelief, joy, and awe, combined with many people saying that the demolition of two of gaming’s most hated figures has made them purchase Shadows.
Ubisoft needs to give the Assassin's Creed social media guy a raise.
— Mischief (@MischiefsYT) March 25, 2025
Double killing Elon Musk and Grummz on a brand is crazy pic.twitter.com/f3qrAJ2yXB
Assassin's Creed Shadows sales after having ratioed to death Elon Musk on his own platform and Grummz. https://t.co/lGQzA55v57 pic.twitter.com/xsRyQ1rr0f
— Big Flower (@BigFlowerTime) March 25, 2025
I love this beef, because I actually understand it and I'm playing Assassin's Creed Shadows right now and I think it's dope. Musk and these man-boys are such losers. https://t.co/bXGntYaDpZ
— Wajahat Ali (@WajahatAli) March 26, 2025
If they buy the game as a result of this takedown, they’ll have a great time. Shadows is the best the franchise has been in a decade, featuring some truly stunning visuals and killer ninja/samurai-based action.
After all this, you might be curious why Musk and Kern even had Shadows in their sights in the first place. The shocking answer? There’s a black samurai in it. Why would that make these two men angry? You do the math. What else is there left to say but “requiescat in pace.”
Published: Mar 26, 2025 05:30 am